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Courtship and Marriage

"Since girls will put it into each other's heads, that they are in love, or that someone is in love with them, it is desirable that they should understand the first symptoms of the disorder, and take early and vigorous measures to stop its dangerous course." Such was the advice Mrs. Farrar offered unmarried girls in 1838, reminding her readers that time and God will bring the right couple together. This advice to young women about falling in love was common in the nineteenth century. John Gregory, author of A Father's Legacy to His Daughters, reminded them that "love is not to begin on your part. [It] is entirely to be the consequence of our attachment to you." Thus the young man was responsible to initiate the courting, and when he did, much of it took place in the young lady's home around the family hearth on Sunday evenings and in the presence of younger children, parents, and visitors. If the young woman wished to encourage the beau, her family, if they approved, retired early and left the sitting room to the young couple. If it was desirable to discourage the young man, the parents remained uncomfortably near, and the suitor soon got the message.

Even such innocent courting as this, however, was not always approved by some groups. The Nauvoo Neighbor noted in the 9 January 1845 issue that the "Free Will Baptist General Association, lately holden in Plainfield, N. Y., resolved among other things, 'that no enlightened Christian can innocently carry on a courtship by late sitting.' " Much of the advice offered courting couples was written by country editors who had no credentials other than their imagination and perhaps articles snipped from other papers. The editor of the Hamilton Intelligencer in 1837 offered such advice as "the practice of courting after bed time" was not necessary-a man should court openly and seek a wife in daylight, and "the innocent kiss" was like dram drinking-one is never enough. The editor of the Neighbor on 9 August 1843 had less prudish and more practical advice for the young people of Nauvoo: "Never blush, never apologize if found by young men in your homespun attire, stirring the coffee, washing the hearth, or rinsing the clothes. . . . Industrious habits are certainly the best recommendations you can bring to worthy young men who are seeking wives."

Seeking a wife usually started at what we would consider extremely young ages. Courtships were much shorter because there were few obstacles to early marriage. Education was not a major requirement for most occupations, so there were fewer socioeconomic barriers; legal obstacles did not exist in most states; and few parents objected to a little more room in their homes. In addition, the community's moral guardians recognized another distinct benefit of early marriages: intimate experiences associated with longer and increasingly familiar courtships were less likely to occur, a consideration especially important in a church-dominated society like that in Nauvoo. Fifteen or fourteen or even younger was not an uncommon age for a bride. Warren Foote, a Latter-day Saint living a few miles south of Nauvoo, married Artemisia Sidnie Myers in June 1843. He was twenty-five, and she was fourteen.